It's Always Sunny in the Multiverse

Sacred Stone Redux
Eleint 7, 1381

The Jerks and Shi disembark from Triboar and begin to head south towards Red Larch by Zeppelin. They proceed by foot once they are on the southern side of the hills.

As they approach, Shi branches off to enter from the back, while the Jerks enter from the side. Skulking through the halls, they manage to avoid confrontation. They enter a side room, finding a small office. On the desk they find a letter written in a strange script. Baxia recognizes it as Fey and is able to read the letter. Signed by the Master Earthbender Barkley, the letter details the imprisonment of Rick and Pavash, and makes reference to his master’s “new world.” They search the room, finding treasures as well as a strange half of a statue with the words “Aram’s Might” inscribed on the base.

They continue down the halls, stopping in another side room, encountering two Crocian Feyfolk chatting during their breaks in the brewery room. They immediately stop and question the Jerks, but Anorien steps forward and manages to charm the Crocians into being honest about their dissatisfaction with their jobs, and then offers them a gram of the drug Xoopa in exchange for information. They comply, giving them the prison cell key for the basement floor, and tell them they’ll have to find two halves of a statue to get down there. They confirm the statue found in the office is one half.

Baxia divines the location of the other half, and they find it guarded by some earthbenders in a nearby room. After a short fight they gather the two statues and head into the Great Hall to head underground to investigate. More throngs of Benders of each element find them sneaking into the hall and attack. After a violent battle they slay each of the bender guards and use the statues on the pedestal in the back of the room and open up the staircase into the underground section of the monastery.

Once downstairs they find the prison full of a group of prisoners, and Rick Sanchez, the kidnapped genius wizard. They unlock the gate and free the prisoners, who introduce themselves as Pogum the Dwarf Cleric, Agar the Dwarven Monk, Xorick the Rogue, Biz Zavodim the Half Orc Ranger, and Flynoren the Halfling Bard. Shi catches up through a side door, looking winded and feeling ill. The prisoners tell their story of meeting a mysterious monk and a bearded prisoner named Pavash who escaped the monk’s lair through a portal. The Jerks invite them to join the Womford Eagles before they notice someone else approaching from the stairs.

Barkley, the Master Lavabender reveals himself, and begins to melt the stone hallways into lava, beginning to corner the party. Bacon grabs the unconscious Rick and the party flees through the side door,

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Them? Are They Funny or Something?
Unknown Date, 1381

A crowd gathers in the town of Goldenfields, as a naked pink-skinned Elven Wizard is chased through town by Guards as he causes trouble and casts spells. He escapes the town, chased by the guards through the gates. Five people are left as the crowd disperses, Pogum the Dwarf Cleric, Agar the Dwarven Monk, Xorick the Rogue, Biz Zavodim the Half Orc Ranger, and Flynoren the Halfling Bard. They are approached by a man calling himself “J” with slicked back black hair, who asks them if they are looking for work. All say yes except for Flyn, who makes anarchist overtures before giving into the needs of his newly found group. J explains that he is a representative of a powerful organization and the Elf running through town is one of their associates. He asks that the group of five follow him to the Serpent’s Reliquary, an ancient temple to a dead serpent God that seems to have been reinhabited by a dangerous cult recently.

The party travels by cart to the Sumber Hills and disembarks on foot the rest of the way to the temple guided by a map J provided them. Approaching the vine covered entrance, the vines come to life and begin attacking the party. They band together a slash away at the vines and run inside. They enter a battered hexagonal foyer with 8 doors along it’s walls and two bubbling wells of a glowing green acid in the center of the room. While investigating the rooms along the walls they alert guards who wait out in the foyer for them. They quickly fell all of the guards and head into the next room, the main hall.

Within the main hall they find a massive serpent statue with a shattered jaw spewing hot green acid out onto the floor beneath it. In front of that stream of acid is a large mote of flame. Emerging from the mote of flame is an Abyssal Hellspawn named Sithis. His rippling abs and gorgeous visage entrance Pogum who begs to pleasure him. Sithis obliges and allows Pogum to fellate him before engaging in battle. As Pogum blows, he begins displeasing Sithis with the amount of teeth used. Realizing it won’t end well, Pogum chomps down with all of his might, viciously severing Sithis’s penis from his body. Sithis shrieks as Pogum contorts his back, baptized on gouts of Abyssal crotch blood spewing from Sithis. Pogum proceeds to vivisect and behead the Stone Guardians who emerge from below to protect Sithis and Flyn uses his bardic magic to control Sithis and lead him right into the gushing stream of acid. Spat out from the acid is only a large chunk of red ore.

The party works they way through three more elemental warriors, Cloudia the Cloud Giant, Karp the horny fisherman, and Esmeralda, a warrior covered in emerald armor. Each dropped another chunk of ore in yellow blue and green. Heading into the northmost room they find four massive forges leading down into a cast in the shaped of a large circular lotus emblem. Dunking the ores into each forge and igniting the acid with torches and magic, the ore melts and is funneled down into the cast where it forms into a black lotus emblem. This unlocks the to stairwells in the main hallway, which the party descends into.

Walking down into the lower floor, the party can barely see. The only light provided is the dim green glow of 5 acid streams gushing into dugout holes in the floor. In the illumination the party sees an emaciated man chained to the ground. As they approach he begins to beg for help, but before they get close the ceiling drops out from above, and an imposing mysterious monk approaches the party from atop the rubble, and demands they tell him who sent them. Bending the four elements, Yon begins subduing the party one by one, before strangling Biz looking for answers. Suddenly one of Biz’s satchels comes to life and begins scuttling across the ground, before poofing into a cloud of smoke that reveals the Pink Elf Wizard the party was looking for. He tosses a wand to the chained man whom he calls Pavash, who uses the wand to blast his chains off. Using magic to tear open a portal by the Wizard and they leap through, with the monk dropping Biz and chasing after them. The party gives chase after the wizard, still looking for their payday, and drop from the other end of the portal to a rushing river down below.

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Fornax's & Fugazis
Eleint 4, 1381

The party camps out one days travel from Triboar. With Blackthorn in Fornax’s possession they begin discussing the best ways to use Blackthorn to their advantage. They decided the Vigilant Order will pay a hefty sum for the sword, but are too racist to consider as allies.

The party arrives in Triboar ready to get the plan rolling. Anorien and Baxia head to Ed Blackhammer’s office in his tower and find him and Shi talking in Ed’s office in private. Ed tries to hide it, but the party barges in. Ed and Shi reveal that they are in a relationship and have been for a while now.

Fornax orchestrates a trade of the cursed copy of Blackthorn to Alto Thinspire, the head of the Vigilant Order and Ed’s political rival. With Anorien polymorphed in Zezelia they make the hand off in a brothel, and are paid by Thinspire. Later that day, Alto holds a speech where he presents the sword to the public, but is struck dumb by its curse. Ed emerges having been filled in by Anorien and presents Blackthorn to the crowd from the balcony on his tower, and gives a unifying speech to the people of Triboar. The crowd roars. Ed promises the group ten seats in the Triboar Senate, for the four adventurers and 6 locals of their choice.

Celebrating at the Inn a drunkard grabs Fornax and shouts a slur about his Tiefling heritage at him. In retaliation Fornax slits his throat in front of the entire who flees in terror. Fornax fights with the guards, but spends the night in jail before Ed has the guards write it off as self defense against a racist drunk V.O. Supporter. Fornax leaves with handcuffs still on, and after a terrifying encounter of tickle play with an older man staying at their inn, he regroups with the Jerks to join up with Shi and search Sacred Stone monastery for Pavash.

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Three Lefts Make a Right
Eleasis 30, 1381

Ed asks the party to invade the recently found and now ironically named "Lost Warren of the Demon King, an ancient underground Keep housing abyssal creatures and their lord, Gathraax the Dark Knight. Gathraax was the Abyssal warrior who struck the killing blow to Ed’s great grandfather Lauriel, before their army was overtaken and forced to retreat. Gathraax stole Lauriel’s sword Blackthorn and has kept it as a trophy ever since. Ed provides the party a map of the keep, and warns them that he is not the only person who wants Blackthorn, and that the Vigilant Order would do anything to acquire it themselves.

The party makes their way into the keep, and fight their way through several powerful Abyssal horrors, resembling pigs and gorillas, while sorting through a variety of mysterious viscera. The party makes its way to a large ornate locked metal door. They look through the keyhole and see nothing but a fiery void. Fornax decides to use his devil’s sight to peer past the magic trick and sees a small amount into the room ahead, including an undead Dark Knight sitting on a throne of skulls, wielding. Blackthorn. Fornax uses his new knowledge of the room and tears open portals on each side of the door and the party runs through.

Gathraax is shocked at the party’s entrance and demands they tell him what they’re doing there. The party attempts to bargain with Gathraax for Blackthorn, but he rebukes their offer, and has his Wight Guards attack the party. Baçon and Fornax thrash Gathraax with vicious sword slashing and violent Eldritch blasts. Before Fornax is able to deal the final blow, Gathraax banishes Baçon to another plane of existence. Anorien cuts through the Wights and helps Fornax in felling Gathraax. Fornax destroys him with one last blast and rolls forward to snatch Blackthorn from his bony fingers. Baçon shifts back to this plane, and while trying to break down the throne of skulls presses a button that reveals a horde of treasure underneath the center section of the floor. They raid it and make they way back through the small amount of rooms they traveled through to get there, leaving the full clearing of this keep to another time.

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Trouble in Triboar
Eleasis 28, 1381

The Jerks arrive in Triboar, now joined by Anorien, and immediately hear trouble beginning to brew. Shouts for help were heard from within a nearby alley and the Jerks rush over to find an Afro Elven man being cornered by three guards. The guards yell at the party to mind their own business and leave, but Baxia casts a poison spray spell that causes the guards to run in fear and free the man. From the other direction comes another Afro Elven man in thick onyx colored plate mail and a regal tabard and cape. He thanks Baxia for saving the man, who runs Grimwald’s Bakery in the market. The Baker thanks the party and heads back home to his pregnant wife.

Ed asks if the party is from put of town, and explains that things have gotten very dire for the Afro Elven population in Triboar, who make up about 40% of the population here. He can tell the party are seasoned adventurers and requests that they meet him in the Lord Protector’s tower in the center of town. They stop by Grimwald’s Bakery and pick up some Beer Battered Chocolate before Fornax makes sure the Baker knows not to fuck with him by brandishing his dagger before leaving.

Once in the tower they meet with Zezelia, Ed’s secretary. Zezelia gives them directions and tells them to wait outside his office until.he comes out to get them, as he is busy with meetings. The party waits for a little bit, while Fornax thumbs through a vintage issue of Play-Tiefling left in the waiting room, until Ed comes out and invites them in. Ed explains that his party, The Lords Alliance, convinced him to run using the name of his ancestor Lauriel Blackhammer to sway voters towards them, as well as securing the Afro Elven vote. But relations between Afro Elven citizens and the upper echelon citizens have deteriorated, due in part by very divide campaigning by the Vigilant Order, a political party opposed to Ed Blackhammer and the Lord’s Alliance.

But Ed asks the party for a favor involving a sword called Blackthorn. It is the weapon Ed’s great grandfather Lauriel used in his heroic battle against the Abbysal Invasion so many years ago. It was stolen by a Dark Knight of the Abyssal Army and hidden away in the Lost Warrens of The Demon King. Ed knows that whoever can wield that sword again would see a large boost in public support, who hold Lauriel and his sacrifice in the highest of esteems. Ed asks the party to head to the Lost Warrens of The Demon King and retrieve the sword before the Vigiliant Order has a chance to and return it to him, for a reward.

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Election Day in Westbridge
Eleasis 21, 1381

Fornax, Baxia, and Baçon head to Westbridge in order to “check in” on the local elections for the council. They find 10 people seriously running for the four seats (with Trimm Locksley granted one outright) and decide they need to vet them for the most controllable candidates who still are well liked and trusted in the community. They also need them to be able to keep the day to day work of the town up. The three then decide that they’ll need Rhubarb the secretary’s help in stuffing the ballots in order to ensure the chosen four’s victories. The people running for office were as follows:
Bilbo- Town drunk and party expert. Always able to draw a crowd, but very obnoxious.
Crim – Crim is prim (and proper.) A hard worker and owns the local inn.
Cefrey – Very suspicious of outsiders, not terribly intelligent. Devout worshipper of Lathander.
Marcon – Moody young man, really only running as a fuck you to his father Sckald.
Anders – A human vanilla ice cream cone. Gets along with people even when they don’t want to.
Mival – an old racist.
Imzel – Jittery, uneasy. Secret Alcoholic.
Meng – Weepy looking woman, horribly depressed.
Bertha – Older stern looking woman. Loves control and gets shit done.
Aoth – Older widower with an eye patch. Just wants his town to be safe for once.

The Jerks gather them all together for interviews, but decide to take stock of the room first and eliminate anyone they’re certain won’t work for them. They look around and immediately have Mival, Imzel, Meng and Bertha leave. They interview Bilbo, whose raucus and self-proclaimed lovable nature puts him in the running. Then comes Cefrey, who is openly suspicious of any outsiders, including the Jerks. They decide she would be great to use for her status in the local religious sects. Up next is Marcon, who everyone immediately dislikes, though they do have Rhubarb send for his father, who ends up being too much of an authority figure to be worthwhile. After that is Aoth, who becomes a good law and order candidate due to his wifes murder at the hands of the Neverwinter Nives, a local bandit group. The Jerks decide on Crim, Cerfrey, Anders, and Aoth for the council with Trimm, and paying Bilbo to stay on as an asset.

Baxia persuades Rhubarb (calling her by her nickname Barb) to help them stuff the ballots. She is happy to help them, and makes sure that the 5 council-people all get winning amounts of votes. The group spends the next few days before the election stumping for the candidates in different ways. Fornax donates 100 gold in Crims name to the local school. Baçon heads to the local tavern and buys everyone a drink in Cefrey’s name, and Baxia secures 20 more guards from the Houndfolk tribes to help Aoth resecure the safety of the town.

The candidates and citizens are called to the town square and the results are read. When Trimm and the other four are named as the new council, most of the crowd cheers and celebrates. Barb tells the Jerks that it didn’t even require much ballot stuffing. Shortly afterwards the party is greeted by a message from one of their spies. The town of Triboar is trapped in racial turmoil, and their leader Eddard Blackhammer might lose his spot as Lord Protector in the upcoming elections.

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Return to Feathergale Spire
Eleasis 14, 1381

Baçon, Baxia, and Fornax return to New Womford to discuss Westbridge’s new government with Anorien, who they find outside walking Peppermint the Polarbear Dog. Anorien hands the dog off to his son, who mutters disrespect under his breath while walking away.

The party decides on installing one of their men, Col. Curtiss, as a “Lord Protector” and getting Trimm Locksley to set up elections for a town council of 5, that he himself will be on as well. The council will serve as a local advisory board to Col. Curtiss, though he will always retain the final say.

The Jerks then sneak into the spire, paralyze Gyonzhin’s attendant Girohn, and then begin freeing the Bearkin fighters that the Airbender’s have forced to help fight for them using their age old alliance to the Leonin against them. as the party scaled the spire, they managed to find Gyonzhin’s living quarters and raid it for information. They found a letter to the Firebending master Lydia, detailing that they know Fornax was the last person who had Tinderstrike and that it’s the only weapon left that they still need. They have been ordered to leave Fornax and Anorien alive for now, as without them they have no lead on Tinderstrike and their collateral, Pavash becomes useless. Baxia and Baçon on the otherhand are anyone’s game.

The party meets with Gyonzhin on the top of the spire, who is meditating. Once the Jerks approach, Gyonzhin hurls Windvane at them, which has now been depleted of it’s magic and left a normal +2 Spear. The party retrieves it and attacks. They spar valiantly with Gyonzhin, but are unable to defeat him. Gyonzhin flies off, and Sir Greatsoul’s zeppelin docks at the top of the spire and several knights run out and into the spire to clean up. Greatsoul congratulates the party on a successful raid. Six baby Sky Bisons are recovered from the basement in an abused state and brought back to the children. The party gets back on to the Zeppelin and heads back to New Womford to regroup.

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Westbridge Invasion
Eleasis 10, 1381

After being saved from Master Earthbender Barkley’s gang of benders by Sir Greatsoul of Waterdeep and Shi, the jerks take Greatsoul’s zeppelin back to New Womford, where they meet up with Bastian Themander, now pudgy and bearded after a deep depression when Fornax was though lost. Shi sent out a message through some of the bandit’s working the underground supply line and warned him to come back to help run things if Pavash was indeed taken.

Bastian breaks down seeing Fornax alive, who seems put off to be around Bastian as usual. As they share their moment, Shi has some of her acolytes bring a gift she brought for the children, in the hopes of cheering them up, a baby Polar-Bear Dog from the Hakoda islands, that Elyria names Peppermint. Anorien takes his and Baçon’s children upstairs to their rooms at the Inn while everyone else begins to debrief on whats going on.

Shi catches the party up on her life, building a monastery in the city of Triboar, her unwanted fame pushed by the powerful in Waterdeep wanting to cover up the Womford Eagles’s role in defeating the cults.

Once Bastian lays out how many remaining employees the Womford Eagles have, the decision is made to expand the group’s territory and collect more fighters to help fight against the Masterbenders and their armies. Westbridge is their target, a small town owned and operated by an old halfing named Ghaliver Longstocking and his three sons.

Baxia heads towards a man with both a perfect ass and a perfect beard and asks him where to find the Longstockings. The local, Trimm Locksley, informs him of the location and he gives it over to Baçon and Fornax, who head over there to depose them. Interrupting a meeting between Ghaliver and his sons, Fornax has Lennie wait outside the room, as they begin to engage in combat. Ghaliver and his son’s fall one after the other, with Lennie bursting through the wall and tossing Ghaliver’s corpse at his escaping son, killing him.

In the aftermath, Baçon claims Westbridge for “House Themander” and Fornax holds a potluck for the local citizens.

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The Bickering
Eleint 7, 1377

Traveling down into the canyon, Anorien, Baçon,Baxia,Fornax and Kraah find a small cavern entrance into what they believe is the Temple of Air, the seat of “Queen” Aerisi Kanolith, from which she rules the Air Cult. They battle through a series of simple minded Kenku Birdmen, whom Kraah considers pathetic in their wingless state.

The party continues down into the Temple, taking down Air Cultists, and plundering their armory of balloons and glider suits, as well as finding a series of creeps self flagelating, whom they slay with great prejudice. Deeper inside The Jerks find cultists torturing human slaves, forcing them to work a series of machines while being whipped. After defeating the cultists, an argument brews between Anorien and Kraah, Anorien believing they should free the slaves, and Kraah believing they should be killed to make sure they don’t alert guards to their presence. Kraah begins killing the slaves, and Anorien begins fighting Kraah.

Bacon and Baxia manage to break up the fight and the party continues down towards the main section of the temple. Anorien and Kraah continue arguing about whether or not to kill the slaves even while fighting the many cultists guarding Aerisi’s throne room. Before reaching Aerisi, they encounter a Djinn, enslaved by Aerisi to try and rebuild the temple to its original glory in her image, using crude tools. He is bound to massive horn kept by Aerisi’s side, sworn to grant one wish to whomever blows the horn. He promises a generous reward if the Jerks can destroy the horn and free him from his slavery.

With that in mind the Jerks proceed upstairs to Aerisi’s throne. There she waits with a sizable guard all drugged into a stupor, while she sits clearly bored upon her throne. She demands answers as to who they are, so they introduce themselves as The Womford Eagles before attacking. Aerisi let’s forth her golden wings and points her spear Windvane at the Jerks, ordering her guard to attack. The Jerks take out her guard first then gang up on Aerisi, who puts up a hard fight even once alone. She manages to wear down the entire party, critically wounding them. Seeing the Djinn’s horn, Kraah and Anorien both rush for it, attacking one another in order to grab it first. Aerisi manages to knock both of them unconscious while Fornax Baçon and Baxia finish her off. Aerisi explodes in a shrieking gale that rushes through the entire Temple, leaving no corpse. At that moment, a vision is sent to the remaining three prophets of Aerisi’s final moments, and the men who killed her. With the battle over, the squabbling duo are healed and they gather the spoils. Baçon and Anorien both decide they have no use for Windvane, and bequeath it to Baxia instead. It’s decided the Djinns horn will not be destroyed but kept at the Womford Eagles base, leaving the Djinn to continue his work alone. They return and Kraah decided his hermit ways would best be suited for solo missions, and Pavash agrees. The party rests back home and gets ready to raid the next temples.

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Turning a Mountain Base into a Home
Eleasis 2 - Eleint 5, 1377

The Jerks spend the next month taking on small operations with the Fire Cult, while secretly taking what they learn back to their organization The Womford Eagles and using it to track down the secret underground temples used by the cult’s 4 prophets; Vanifer of the Fire Cult, Marlos of the Earth Cult, Gar of the Water Cult and Aerisi of the Air Cult. Each prophet, they discover, holds a magical weapon, powered by an otherworldly force known only as the “Elder Elemental Eye.”

Those not on missions stayed around the W.E’s base and spent time gathering work, recruiting new “employees”, and deploying a security force in Red Larch to “help out Constable Harburk.”

Fornax himself went on a shopping spree in Waterdeep, purchasing a kit perfect for flaying people’s faces from their skulls, as well as some souvenirs for the party. He also came into possession of a cursed black cat name Meagan. It soon became apparent though that her curse was not ordinary, and actually sentient. Following Meagan the cat where ever she went was Pinyin, a cat almost identical to Megan, outside of the fact that it stands upright on it’s hind legs, speaks a strange language and appears and disappears whenever it so chooses.

With all these additions to the Womford Eagles, it began feeling more and more like a home. and Anorien and Pavash’s relationship began to deepen and become so much more than just a physical attraction. The Womford Eagle’s soon found several leads on the many cults, and Pavash began to formulate a plan. They discovered scattered entrances close to the Haunted Keeps they had visited, leading down into a series of massive dwarven ruins called Tyar Besil. Recon Teams had found the least guarded entrance was by Feathergale spire, in the chasm below it. With that information, the Jerks regrouped and prepared to attack.

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